TTM #27 WHY CHANGE?

#TTM EP. 27 - WHY CHANGE

Watch the intro to the episode HERE.

 Why is it so hard to change? Why are we designed in a way where we immediately face resistance as soon as we want to change something? Why is our brain wired that way?

Our brain does not want to change. Not because it doesn't like us, not because it doesn't want to improve, not because it doesn't want to be better, but because of the way it was designed. It likes to be efficient, comfortable, and safe. And if it is, it functions properly.

Our brain is the tool, we are the managers. We want to create autopilots that serve us. We want to be efficient at the things we want to do. We don't want to be efficient at doing things that do not serve us.

Change is hard on purpose. If we want to change and grow, we have to be willing to sacrifice our life right now, to make space for something even bigger. 

Our current thoughts, and our current beliefs, are getting us this life we have right now. Your thoughts are never a secret. They're manifested in the results of your life. And if we want to change it, we need to change what is working and what is comfortable, which is not easy. We do not change the world and then we change ourselves. We change ourselves and then the world changes. 

We're not humans just suffering on the planet. We're humans creating our experience of life. Experiencing life is about creating life. Creating our interpretation of what is and then creating the possibility of what can be. 

In this episode, I explore tools that will make change easier for us, how to use our brain to change our brain, and what is the point of being uncomfortable when we can just stay the same?

#TTM EP. 27 - WHY CHANGE // SELF ENQUIRY

What are your patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting, that you want to change?

Are you willing to put the effort in and stay with it long enough until it becomes effortless?


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Ep. 12 MEDITATION ON THOUGHTS

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Transcript

TTM #27 WHY CHANGE?

Everything in material or relative existence is impermanent. That is, everything has a beginning and most definitely an ending. Life is perpetually in flux and change is an inevitable constant. No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man. This enables us to realise that we have no control over this phenomenon, and that any attempt to manipulate it creates suffering. We create attachments to things people, objects, and sensations that are impermanent, those attachments create our suffering, and we are the ones creating the attachments. Ultimately, the more we embrace impermanence, the less we suffer. When we allow ourselves to consciously recognise the impermanence of all things, we have more joy and gratitude for this precious human life.

Meditation is a fundamental tool that helps us embrace impermanence. In witnessing our thoughts we begin to recognise that impermanent nature. Thoughts come and go, the more comfortable we become with observing the movement of our thoughts without attachment, the more comfortable we will be in witnessing the coming and going of the events, objects, relationships and situations in our lives. A guided meditation on this topic you will find in Episode 12.

So what if we want to create change on purpose? Changing habits, jobs, countries, changing ourselves? Why is change so hard for us? Wouldn't it be great if we were like, ‘so I want to start meditating for an hour every day’ - done. I want to start working out every morning. Done. What if there was no resistance to change? Whatever it is we wanted in our life, we just did it. It would be so amazing. We could just control ourselves in every way that we want, right? We could just do whatever it is we want. If we didn't have to deal with our own brain, the resistance that comes from our own brain, then we'll be able to do whatever we want. Whenever we want. It would be a totally different life experience.

Hmm, why is it so hard to change? Why are we designed in a way where we immediately face resistance as soon as we want to change something? Why is our brain wired that way? What is it that is going to make change easier for us? The way that we decide to think about this is really going to determine whether it will be easier or harder.

Let's talk about our brain and how it is designed. When you think about how your brain is wired, our brain is designed to be efficient, which means it uses the least amount of energy possible to do its work. Our brain is like a computer. It is programmed to do things without conscious thought. You get up and you walk. You don't have to think about putting one leg in front of the other. When you brush your teeth, you don't need to think about how to hold or move your toothbrush. Everything becomes automatic. Your brain, with every repetition, memorises it and becomes efficient. This is how we create all of our habits, repetitive patterns, all of our unconscious actions we don't even think about. Some of those unconscious actions that we are really efficient at that we have practised over and over are things that we don't want to be doing, habits we don't want to have. Maybe it's overworking,  maybe it's how we show up in relationships, how we use social media, everything has become kind of autopilot. Autopilot is a beautiful thing. It requires way less energy from our brain than if we would consciously think about it. But when we want to change something that's already on autopilot, that's when it becomes difficult. You have the same routine in the morning, same routine when you come from work, taking the same route every day at the same time. It requires effort and conscious thinking if we want or have to change it. That's because it requires energy from the brain to take it off of its autopilot. The good and exciting news is that the brain is actually changeable. It's called neuroplasticity. The not so great news is that it takes a lot of effort to change the brain. It can create new neural pathways, and it can alter existing ones. If we stop using those connections in our brain, those neural pathways, they become weaker. And the more we use new connections, the stronger they become. The pathways get stronger with repetition until the behaviour is the new normal. In the beginning, it will require conscious effort to choose the new pathway.

Our brain is the tool, we are the managers. We want to create new neural pathways that serve us. We want to be efficient at the things we want to do. We don't want to be efficient at doing things that do not serve us. When we are learning new things, our brain, the prefrontal cortex needs to utilise a lot of energy. The brain is designed to use less energy, so it would rather do the things that it's really good at doing. If it's really good at scrolling social media, it's going to want to repeat that pattern. Doing something completely different is going to require a lot of energy from us to change.

Think about those patterns that have any kind of intense emotion associated with them. If we add any kind of intense emotion to any of the repetitive patterns, it makes them even harder to change. Eating, smoking, drinking - it has some kind of positive emotion, relief, entertainment, comfort with it. There is not much emotion attached to brushing teeth, for example

The patterns that we have that we associate strong emotions with are even harder to break. Your brain is designed to be efficient, your emotions are going to fuel that efficiency. It's so much easier to create a habit that is connected with a positive emotion. You don't even have to think about it. It happens almost unconsciously. The habit of staying in bed longer versus waking up early. It's much harder to create a habit of waking up early as it feels uncomfortable. Your brain is designed to do things that are familiar to keep you out of danger. That's why the brain is like ‘No, why are we changing anything? Let's just stick to what's familiar. That will keep us safe.’ We are hardwired not to change.

If you look at the current neural pathways in your brain that you are very efficient at, whether they serve you or not, they're super highways. They have been constructed and reused. So the distance from point A to point B is so efficient that sometimes you find yourself doing something before you even realise it. Picking up food to eat, turning on the computer, going on social media. To change means we're basically saying instead of taking that superhighway, we're going to go through really thick mud and make our own trail. The brain is like ‘What? No, why would we do that? That's why a lot of us get those great ideas and we're like, ‘Oh, I want to change, I want to do this I want to do that. We fall back into the old pattern because the brain is like ‘Why? Let's do what we're good at.’ The brain only wants to do what it's good at. And it's designed to do that to keep you safe.

Alright, change is hard. We know that. What can we do to change our brain if we really want to? And what we need to look at is, we need to look at our brain, because the change starts here. Your brain does not want to change not because it doesn't like you, not because it doesn't want to improve, not because it doesn't want to be better, but because of the way it was designed. It likes to be efficient, and if it is, it functions properly. So let's approach this in a very non-judgmental way.

We have great plans and intentions, we want to build healthy habits, we want to exercise, we want to stop eating when we had enough, we want to not react to some situations or react in a different peaceful calm way. We want to change, we want to become better, we want to become the best version of ourselves that everybody is talking about. But then there's so much resistance. The brain does not want to change. It feels uncomfortable, it feels impossible. So first, you have to pay attention to be aware. What are the things in my brain that are on autopilot? What do I do consistently every single day without realising it, without being present with it? Good or bad. Just be curious about your patterns and habits. First step is awareness. Look at your patterns of action. What you do when you wake up, what do you do when you come from work? What you do when you're bored? What you do when you talk on the phone with someone? What do you do when you listen to something? Notice the habits, the patterns of action, the patterns of thinking, feeling, acting that you have that have a lot of emotion associated with them.

It's important for us to remember that many times we see the efficiency of our brain as part of our identity. I'm just someone who can't wake up early. I'm just not disciplined. I'm just someone who likes to eat. And we think there's something wrong with us. Your brain is doing what your brain is meant to do. It's efficient. It's doing a great job. There is nothing wrong about you.

Once you have that consciousness, you get to decide what you want to change. If you wait until you're in that moment to make that decision, your default is going to be towards comfort and efficiency. So we need to find a way to use our brain in the best way in order to change our brain. If you're in that default moment and autopilot, your brain is always going to go towards the area where it is the most efficient. The way to use your brain so that you don't have to make that decision in that moment is you make that decision ahead of time. This is very important. Deciding ahead of time how you want to show up in that moment in the future, visualising your future self. How do I want to show up and act when I come home from work? When I wake up in the morning, when I am bored, when I'm talking on the phone, when I'm listening to something. Your brain cannot tell the difference between something you are visualising and something that you're actually doing. This is the secret, deciding and visualising yourself, your future self ahead of time doing the very thing you want to change. Visualising that new action, that new reaction.

There is just a certain amount of decisions we can make in a day. Mental fatigue is a state of tiredness that sets in when your brain's energy levels are depleted. When you wait until your brain is already fatigued to try and use the energy of your brain to change it, you most likely are going to not have enough brain effort to do it, because it will require a lot of willpower. If you make the decision ahead of time of what you're going to do, then you don't have to use the brain’s effort in that moment because you've already decided. If you decide and visualise yourself making that decision consistently, then when you are in that decision-making moment, there is no decision to make because it's already been decided. If you decide ahead of time what you're going to eat tomorrow instead of making decisions in the moment, this is where a change can happen. If you decide ahead of time how you will react in certain situations, if you decide ahead of time what you will do when you come home from work and you visualise it often enough, this is where change can happen.

When you make a commitment ahead of time that you will not do something, you don't need willpower in the moment. The way to change your brain is repetition. Once you've repeated it enough times, then it doesn't require as much effort. Your brain wants to be efficient. This is a great tool to have and to utilise. To make the brain efficient at something it requires repetition. So we need to put in some work and efforts to create those new highways, those new pathways that will work for us on autopilot. The point before you create the new neural pathway and let go of the old neural pathway, that cognitive dissonance, that's when most people quit because it requires the most effort to change. And this is when you're about to change. The question becomes, when does it then require no effort? At what point does my brain get so efficient at the new way of thinking that I don't have to put any effort into it? The stronger the commitment, the quicker you can create the change, because you will have the discipline to consistently show up in this new way. So the old pathway will become weaker and will be forgotten.

Right now in my life I don't have to use any effort to not eat after a certain time. It's just a pattern for me now I had to put in some effort creating. I don't associate any kind of effort with having to do that because I have made it a repetitive pattern to say no and not wanting to genuinely. That's where we need to stay committed long enough to get our brains to that point where it becomes effortless. Same with exercising, working on projects, creating any kind of habit. Commitment, repetition, and overcoming the resistance will become effortless. You get good at what you practice. Your brain gets more efficient at what you practice. So choose on purpose what you want your brain's energy to use for. Pay attention, become aware of your patterns and autopilots, habits you like and those you want to change. Let go of judgement. Don't take it personally when your brain wants to be efficient at something. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's just doing its job. Make a commitment. Decide ahead of time, stick to your commitment. Repeat until it becomes effortless. You rely on your plan instead of your brain until your brain takes over. What are your patterns of thinking? Of feeling, of showing up that you want to change? Are you willing to put the effort in and stay with it long enough until it becomes effortless? Are you willing to use your brain, the most powerful tool we have, to create the life you want? You can change your brain to create anything you want in your life.

Change is hard on purpose. The reason why most people don't change, they don't turn into the best version of themselves is because they don't want to do hard things. They don't want to be uncomfortable. What's the point of being uncomfortable when you can just stay the same? So how do we make sense of being willing to be uncomfortable and also being at peace and being happy in our lives and inviting that discomfort in?

You have to find a way that discomfort actually becomes part of the pleasure you enjoy in your life. The more you embrace the discomfort of it, the discomfort of working out, the discomfort of meditation, the more you know that it's part of the deal. Then it's almost like you start looking forward to that hard workout that's going to hurt. Even though it's hard, there is pleasure in it. And that's what life is like when you start focusing the value of your life on becoming the next version of yourself, on becoming someone who grows and takes your potential to where it can go. You look forward to the discomfort because you love what's on the other side of it. And that becomes your new excitement in life.

Why is that so challenging for us? We understand that it works that way. And yet when it comes to it, we are really challenged because we still have that primitive brain that wants to stay comfortable, move towards pleasure and avoid pain. So we have to know who to listen to and when and why. Our brain loves what's familiar because what is familiar is safe. That's when we feel comfortable. We love the instant gratification. Our brain is wired for rewards. So we have all these pleasures, all these rewards around us all the time, of course, we want them. That's what we are wired for. And our brain wants pleasure right now.

The discomfort that you have when you're growing is different than the discomfort you have from not fulfilling your potential. Not doing what you most want to do because you're in the instant gratification. Think about change from this perspective. In this moment all the possibilities for your life exist.

When you start to consider change, when you start to consider possibilities, you will be pulled by your brain into what's possible based on the past, not based on the future. Because past is what we know and what is familiar. Your brain is programmed to get its possibilities from the past. If we are willing to go through the process of change and discomfort, we can create our life from our future possibility.

When you look at your life, how much time are you spending thinking about your past? Because that's what you're going to recreate? How much time are you spending complaining about your present? Because that's what are you going to create. Those thoughts are all optional. But when you spend a lot of time thinking about the future you're creating in this moment, then that is what you create. And it takes practice and it is uncomfortable, but to create change we need to spend more time thinking about possibility and less time thinking about what was and what is.

If we want to change and become great even if our life is good right now, we need to let go of what is working well to make space for something new for the possibility of something working even better. If we want to change and grow, we have to be willing to sacrifice our life right now to make space for something even bigger. Your current thoughts, your current beliefs, your current thinking is getting you this life you have right now. And if you want to change it you need to change what is working and what is comfortable. And it is not easy because we are changing parts of our identity. Delaying gratification is the secret to overcoming that primitive brain. We have to use our prefrontal cortex to believe beyond our current results. It's tempting to get caught up in the current evidence and let it define us. But we have to define ourselves from the person we want to be, from the next version of ourselves. If you keep defining yourself by who you already are, you're going to keep getting more of who you already are. If we want to change, we have to be willing to give up parts of our identity. Are you willing to give up being a victim? Are you willing to stop struggling with whatever it is for you? Change requires believing in something beyond evidence. You have to keep your thoughts, feelings, and actions on the result you want and not the result that you have. One of the things that create the fastest transformation is the willingness to take full responsibility, to understand that every single result you have in your life is your thought and a feeling and your action that created that result, not the circumstance. Because if you see your life being at the effect of what is happening out there in the world, you will always struggle to try and change the world. And that does not work. You do not change the world and then you change yourself. You change yourself and then the world changes. Your thoughts. are never a secret. They are manifested in the results of your life. We just need to be willing to look at the results we create consciously or unconsciously and become aware of the thoughts behind them. If you want to know what someone's thinking, look at their life. If you want to know what you are thinking, look at your life. Educate your brain and train it in a way that serves your highest purpose. When you see what you think about, you see where you're going. The mind is like a map showing you what you're creating.

What do you think about all the time? If you have a goal, but all you do is think about how hard it is, how you can't accomplish it, that's not going to work. You can't think about your goal in terms of how you can't get there and expect to get there. You have to think about your goal as if you are already there.

So change is hard because it requires us to be aware. It requires us to be uncomfortable. It requires us to give up and sacrifice the life we have now, the thoughts we have now, the beliefs we have now for the life we want to have, which means we have to completely let go of our identity over and over and over again.

You're either moving towards more of what you want, or you're just repeating more of what you don't want, or more of the same if you don't want to change and grow. One is not better than the other. You decide. Just make that choice consciously. But you know my opinion, if you're going to be uncomfortable either way, you might as well see where you can go and where you can grow. Make the change that you want to see. Be the change that you want to be. We are not humans just suffering on the planet. We are humans creating our experience of life. experiencing life is about creating life, creating our interpretation of what is and then creating the possibility of what can be. Change is hard on purpose.