You are listening to me talking to myself, welcome to the podcast where I share some useful tools, insights, and questions to make us feel more peaceful, more present, more connected, and empowered to create.
You may not know this, but everyone has a story they tell themselves about themselves. It is a fully developed story with a title, a beginning, a middle, and a conclusion. The conclusion is the self-concept that we end up living by. It is the whole of who we see ourselves to be.
Stories define us. to know someone well is to know their story. The experiences that have shaped them, the turning points that have tested them. When we want someone to know us we share stories of our childhood, our families, our school years, our relationships, our goals and accomplishments, our lessons, our religion, our political views, and so on.
What is your story? If your life was a story, what would the title be? Very often the title sounds like. I'm constantly in a rush and looking for something. I'm always busy and I'm always working. I do not know what I want. I am looking for my ideal job. I am looking for a job that will make me happy. There is never enough money. Other people do not see my worth and my value. I need to take care of everyone else. Other people do not understand me. My life is exhausting. If I only had more time. I do not know where I belong. I can't figure out how to make money. I'm constantly comparing my life to other people's lives. I just love food too much, I'll never have my ideal weight. I have tried everything and it is not working. One day I will. I will start tomorrow. I can't let other people down. I hate my job, but I need money. I am exhausted but I also can't take a break. I do not belong here. I do not know how to attract the right people. I will be alone forever.
Life would be better if I would be skinny and I were not skinny, therefore I do not matter much. This was my story around 10 years ago when I was modeling and you're obviously always too fat. You go into the agency and they take measurements weekly and tell you all possible things that are wrong about your body and you need to change and especially when you're 15 and you do not have that strong identity yet of who you are and what your values are, This shapes your thinking quite a lot. So being skinny really mattered. And because I wasn't, I didn't matter very much. It was about how unacceptable I was as a human being because I wasn't thin enough. It was about feeling horrible, fat, and not good enough. My story was about how I could not figure out how not to eat and therefore I couldn't have an amazing life. It was impossible to live a great life if I'm not thin. And on top of that working in the fashion industry where you're constantly judged on the appearance and the size you're wearing, does add to your story. This was my story for many years before my values, lifestyle and mindset changed. and when I'm thinking about it right now it sounds funny and such a waste of time and energy, but I'm also glad I had this experience. So just observing all those negative stories we have about ourselves that have been playing as a narrative in our minds for many, many years. It's almost as if we believed it had to be true. Because we have heard them and told them so many times.
Another funny story that I had about myself was when I started teaching yoga, that yoga teachers do not lift weights and I felt ashamed to say that I go to the gym every day and I love lifting weights. There was no reason for that whatsoever. Only reasons and limitations I created in my own head. So it's interesting to explore our stories.
What is your story about your past? Your past no longer exists except in your mind. All you have is now. the past is over and the future is in your imagination. All you have in this moment are the thoughts you are thinking about your past. If you are thinking about your past, that is in your past. You're thinking in the present moment. Your past is over. The only way your past exists at all is in your thoughts about it now. Otherwise, it does not affect you in any way. But your thoughts right now about your past do affect you. Your past no longer exists. Except in your mind.
So what do you think about your past now? What is it? It's your story about your past? If you had no memory of your past, it would have no influence on you in terms of your current thinking. You wouldn't know what happened to you as a child, your relationship with your parents, your struggles in the past, or your past relationship with yourself. If somebody asks you what happened to you when you were a child, you would tell your story, your version of your past. If somebody asked your mother or your father or any of your family members, they all would have different versions of your past. My mom gifted me a book for my 30th birthday with pictures from my childhood till now. And it was her version of important events in my life and my past. So your past exists in their mind in their way and your past exists in your mind in your way. And then there's also what you made the story mean about yourself and what you made it mean about your life.
So what about painful experiences in the past? There is no such thing. You have a feeling that you experience in this moment. It's not an old feeling. It's not a feeling from when you were a child and you're experiencing it again now. There is a feeling you had when you were a child and that's over. Then there is the feeling you have now. The only way you can have a feeling now is if you think about something that causes you to have that feeling, which means you are thinking something maybe the same as you were thinking then. and sometimes we like to exaggerate the story and add even more painful emotions to that which come from that exaggerated story, Every time we tell it. You're not experiencing the pain from your past. You are experiencing present pain, the pain you're creating with your mind today. It's maybe similar to the pain you felt back then because you're unconsciously thinking the same thoughts about that experience or circumstance or person, but it is not the same pain. It is new pain, pain in this moment. pain that you are creating with your current thinking. And that's a great thing to know and gives us our power back. You cannot experience pain from your past. What happened to you in your past is over. The only pain you're experiencing is the pain you're creating now.
And you might be thinking ‘I had this horrible experience. How is it possible that it is not affecting me now?’ And yes, whatever we experience in our life, our body and mind remember everything. And there are some other tools that could be useful to process this experience. If you've had physical trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, or anything related, those are out of the realm of what I'm talking about. You might choose therapy or other tools to heal that. However, a big part of the pain we experience right now is in what we think about this experience and how we keep bringing the pain or uncomfortable emotion into the present moment with our thinking which can be changed. The only way that person or circumstance can affect you now is if you think about them in a way that is harming you. If you think a thought that creates pain, if you create a situation where you're currently a victim of this experience. If you feel shame now it's not because of what's happened to you in your past, it's because of what you're currently thinking about what happened to you in your past. you keep recreating that pain and giving your power away to that person or circumstance. So we keep torturing ourselves in our minds and recreating that emotional abuse. And to know that gives us freedom because those people and circumstances have no more power over us. So it's just important to understand how we are still experiencing that pain or uncomfortable emotion today.
But also, how can I possibly say that this person is causing their own pain and not the object outside? because this is the truth. Emotions are created by our thinking, by our thoughts today. Something that happened to you in your past is over. The only pain that continues is the pain you are creating in your mind when you think about it. And the great news is that you can change how you think about your past and you can change how you feel because of changing how you think. the only way your past defines you now is in the way you choose to think about it.
So look at your past. How do you want to use it? It's yours, no one can change it or touch it but you. You get to decide what you are going to make your past mean in your life. You decide whether you're going to be the hero of that story or the victim. and sometimes you do not need to go into your past to heal it. And again I'm not talking about past experiences that might need therapy to heal. I'm talking about painful stories from our past that we create ourselves and are attached to them because sometimes it just feels more comfortable to be the victim and not take any responsibility because responsibility requires work and action.
painful stories are completely optional. You can change the story and what it means for your life. You can want to believe that your past has made you stronger and more capable and go look for that evidence. and then retell the story in a way that ultimately serves you, that gives you thoughts to create feelings of positivity and empowerment. You get to decide what you bring into your future. And with that you get to decide what you leave behind that you do not want to bring with you, that is not serving you and that is limiting you. The past is over and has no power over you. You can release it forever and move on. If you notice that anything from your past is causing you pain is because of the story that you're telling yourself about it. And you got to change the story. You may not be able to change what happened to you but you get to change what it means to you today. It is in our power to change the story of our past, changing what it means and how we want to focus on it moving forward.
so without changing anything, how do you want to define your past? There are many thoughts we have now that come from thoughts we were taught in the past. And those are not thoughts we have consciously decided to think but thoughts programmed into us at a very young age. We are used to thinking those thoughts that we do not even realise they are there. Some of them are good and do not need to be changed. Like ‘it's good to look both ways before crossing the street’. But some of them are not useful and we do not realise we have them. thoughts like ‘I'm not disciplined. Meditation is hard. I can't plan. Drinking is the only way to have fun and socialise. healthy food does not taste good. I have never done that before, so it might not work.’ Think about all the thoughts you have adopted from your past without realising it. So when you look at those thoughts it is important to know that even though those thoughts feel true, they are completely optional. Your past doesn't equal your future. Your past successes and failures do not predict your future successes and failures unless you believe they do. What you were taught when you were young feels true, but that's only because it's familiar not because it is true. So question everything. Is this something you want to believe or do you want to change this programmed belief? Question all of them.
We spent a lot of time arguing with our past without realising it. We believe it should have been different. My parents should have been different. I should have been born somewhere else. My childhood should have been different. I shouldn't have said that. Or done that. And those are always lies. The past should have been exactly as the past was. If we argue with reality, we argue with our past and lose but only 100% of the time. So our power lies in what will make it mean today.
To sum up, our past no longer exists except in our minds. All we have is now, the past is over and the future is in our imagination. All we have in this moment are the thoughts we are thinking.
When creating from the future, The way we talk to ourselves and tell our story is very important. We can think we are telling ourselves thoughts that will help us get the results we want, when they are actually holding us back from our growth. when we become aware of how we are talking to ourselves and start listening more carefully, We can identify the ways in which we are hindering our growth. We are missing out on the abundance that we are right now. We do not want to be identifying ourselves in relationship with our past. We have to be our future selves before we can create the results. We want to identify ourselves with who we most want to be. Start being the person that has the things that you want to create in your life. So ask your brain to watch its language and if you notice yourself saying things that you wouldn't be saying if you had the results you want, Stop saying those things. Create from your future and talk to yourself like you are the most precious, amazing, and awesome person in the world because you are.
so when you're creating your new story, what are your thoughts about you? Who are you? How do you answer this question? pause and think about it. I am. Do you think you are your name? Your profession, your gender, religion? What do you think about when you think of you? I am Jewish and this has a lot of interpretations. However, I've always believed that it's unique. And this belief serves me. how we see ourselves is the most important part in what we will do and the results we will get in our lives. We tend to think that who we are is something separate from what we think. We do not realise we are creating who we are by what we think. Often we are so convinced of who we think we are we do not realise that it is completely changeable. Yes, we can change who we are by what we think about who we are. We get to decide how to define ourselves. It doesn't matter what other people think about you or even know about you. It doesn't matter how much evidence they have about what you have done and how they use that to define you. It still doesn't define you. You're only defined by how you think about yourself. So explore those beliefs about yourself that are optional. Thoughts like ‘I'm just not ambitious. I'm not very confident. That's just not who I am.’ Those thoughts are not harmful or bad, but they are also not very useful. They indicate observations that you might think are true but are actually optional. How you think about your life and the life you are living, will also determine how you show up and live in a world. Life isn't something that just is. Life is what you create with your mind. So how you think your life is, is how your life is.
Instead of looking around you and into the past for things, jobs, partners that already exist and recreating what already exists in the world, decide what you want on purpose and then go and create that. If you can't find a game that you like, create one. If you can't find a job that you like, creates one. I definitely created my life and my job I have by deciding on purpose what I want to do, how many hours I want to work, and how much money I want to make. Make a list and be as specific as possible. It's not the job market and not your past that determines what is available to you. It is not some external force determining what is possible. We always find what we are looking for. So make sure you're looking for something you want. Ask yourself, what do you want? If you could have any job you want and make the money you want, what would you do?
Do you believe what you're told who you are instead of discovering who you actually are?
So what do you want your story to be? What if I told you that your story could be anything you decided to write about yourself? What if you could tell your story based on your future instead of telling it as an interpretation of your past? What if you could decide to change your title and the contents of what you think about yourself, your life, and your story?
Sometimes it might feel as if you don't have a choice. You might feel like you are bound by the mistakes or efforts or circumstances of your past. And this is not true. You can change your story. You can change your thoughts, you can change your past, and ultimately you can change your life.
It is tempting to fantasize and want to start with all possibilities and how amazing life is right now. However, it is important to find your current thoughts about yourself, your life and your story first. you must be honest and tell yourself the truth. It will not be comfortable, but growth is not supposed to. You will know if you have it right by the current results you're honestly looking at in your life. If you struggle with money, you have a sad money story. If you struggle with your body, you have a story about that. if you're unhappy, you have a story causing that. Find your stories first before you try to write a new one. We need to uncover those beliefs and stories that hold us back first. Awareness is always the first step.
And then ask yourself what do I want my story to be? What is my new title? My current title is ‘my life is an exploration of what is possible.’ The more we believe our new story, the more we start to live it and prove it true. the mind is the most powerful tool we have. Use it to create a person you would be proud of being.
What is the story that you choose to believe about yourself and what is possible for you?
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